Words of Wisdom….can’t we all use more of those? October 4, 2009

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:”

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

Well really, who told you life was gonna be fair?  I mean as long as  can remember everyone has told me that life isn’t far so I don’t know why I was ever surprised when it wasn’t.  Life doesn’t make the difference between what is fair or not….it just is.  And it’s my belief that because we have heard over and over again that life isn’t fair that we expect it not to be fair.  What about if we changed that belief and thought that life was what it is and fair has nothing to do with it.  Just a little change of mindset.  But mostly remember that life is simply life. It’s not out to get you.  It’s flowing along and how you flow along with it, is up to you!

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

And another…and another….and another.  Pretty soon you will find that you are not only making progress but getting quite far.  Taking the small step is equivalent to staying in the moment.  Today I can do this….do that and guess what you are moving forward and not stuck or standing still.  It’s the small steps that make up the journey.  Once you get to the destination you can turn around and go…wow, look how far I got….one step at a time!  And every one of those steps will be meaningful to you.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

So true.  Not only that but hating someone else doesn’t really effect them as much as it affects you.  That hate stays in your body and is negative energy.  Therefore it creates this place of darkness that colors YOUR world…it doesn’t color person’s world, chances are they don’t give you and your feelings about them a second thought.  But it will slowly but surely eat away at you, change your persona, and create deep unhappiness.  Think of it like a sore you don’t heal what happens then?  That’s what hate does in your body.  And please look at why you are hating…..are you really hurt at their behavior?  A lot of time hurt or resentment leads to hate because the emotion of hate can be more empowering than the sadness attributed to hurt.  But hate might have some power behind it but it is misdirected and completely negative energy that you need to eradicate from your life….not for the other person but for you!

 4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

It’s always been known that when the chips are down you find out who your real family and friends are.  And family doesn’t just mean the ones you’re born into.  Family is any of your friends that you have a bond with and spend time with…the family you created.  Without those people your life will not be as rich.  So cultivate strong bonds and interaction with those people you really, really like.  And be there for them when they need you as real love exhibits.  You’ ll be astounded how rewarding those relationships are.  On the flip side, if you have negative relationships with your “born into” family, please do the right thing and learn how to let their negativity drop off of you like the water off a duck or find a way to remove that relationship from your life if it is unsaveable and unhealthy.  Just cause they are family doesn’t mean they get to treat you badly.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

Boy am I wishing I had followed this wisdom.  Credit cards are easy but can be detrimental to your life and lifestyle if you are not responsible.  I have learned and am learning this lesson the hard way.  There is something to be said about learning the hard way….you never forget.  But the struggle is in preventing the lesson from ever being learned.  Take care of knowing how your expenditures are in your life and live your life according to what you have at the moment…in this moment.  Also remember that though this adage may be over used it makes it no less powerful, “The best things in life are free.”  Figure out some of those things and do those!

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Really….you will be exhausted if you have to be right about everything with everyone.  Allow the opinions of others.  Not everyone will agree with you and you will not agree with everyone….that’s is what makes this world interesting.  So instead of creating confrontation every time someone disagrees with you…open your mind to see their point of view…if you can’t then tell them that you, “politely decide to agree to disagree.”  Then let the subject drop and move on.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

You know the adage “Two heads are better than one.”  Well two hearts are stronger than one.  Sometimes you need someone else to hear you, hold you, and simply be there.  Often with my friends I see that hardly ever are we both sad on the same day.  In infinite wisdom God has made it that when you need a hand to hold that person is able to extend it.  And it that strength can help you overcome the hurt, pain, and sadness in a more timely manner or at least make it easier to bear when someone else is helping you hold it.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God.. He can take it.

Thank God for that. Seriously, getting angry is a human emotion…..and we’re human.  So doesn’t it make sense that God would understand when we are frustrated, hurt, angry, etc and need to vent to above?  I believe that God does.  We have emotions for a reason….so let them out.  God is there and so are your angels and guides to help you deal with that which is hardest to deal with.  Getting angry and letting things out is a far healthier way of dealing with things than holding them inside.  So get mad, stomp on the ground, even throw things to let stuff out if you need to.  Then when you are done and you can get back to prayer know that God was there supporting you until you released what you want or needed to release.  That’s the beauty of God, always there…always cares!

 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

Oh how I wish someone had taught me this.  If I had saved I wouldn’t have to be worrying so about finances.  More that than it sets you up from the beginning to being one who saves and that is a mind set I didn’t get and wish I had.  Doesn’t mean you have to be like Scrooge in the corner counting your pennies, but instead understand that they places you want to go and the things you want to do will cost money to do so be prepared for that trip to Italy out of the blue or that new car when you are ready to purchase.  Be smart about money.  Save for a rainy day and more than likely a rainy day might not come.  But remember that saving helps you get more wishes coming true.  That’s good incentive, right?

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

And unneccessary!  Haven’t they determined it’s good for the heart?  That’s no mistake eh?

11. Don’t forget everyone makes mistakes.  (I added this one since they forgot 11)

See even someone with lots of wisdom can make a mistake.  EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES!   We have become very intolerant of mistakes and the real truth is without them we wouldn’t learn.  We are human and humans take the hard road almost every time….seems experience teaches us better than words.  So let those mistakes be now understood to be teachers of where you don’t want to go, what you need to learn in the hardest way so you REALLY get it, and be flag poles to places in your journey where you changed the course.  NO ONE IS PERFECT!  Let me say that again, NO ONE IS PERFECT!  It isn’t possible…so stop trying to be it.  Just be you.  The best you can be.  And let go of the “mistakes” and embrace the wisdom they taught you!

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

In fact it is imperative to let them see you cry.  They need to know that you are humans too.  Being a parent with a child can have them look at you as if you can do it all and are in a way not human.  Your kids follow your lead so if you can show them emotions handled in a healing and proper way then you are teaching a very valuable lesson.  We tend to not like emotions in this world….why?  They are the best indicators we have as to when we need to examine our lives.  So cry when you need to ….show your children or even your family and friends that emotions are valid and important and knowing how to work with them is powerful in your life.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

There are a couple of adage that jump to mind in regard to this statement….they were probably written 90 years ago too.  The first one is “the grass is always greener”  and “until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes”.  Both of these adage are speaking about how looking out at someone else’s life it may seem rosy and perfect compared to yours, however, you never know what that person’s personal pains are or what is really going on in their life.  We have no idea the pains that people harbor.  Everyone is here to learn something so how do you know that the lessons that person are learning are not ten times harder than the things you have to learn.  Wanting something someone else has can be an instigator to you creating that in your own life….but there’s the key….you create it in your life for you.  Let your life flow to what it needs to be!

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Absolutely true.  If someone hides you or their feelings for you then the answer is simple THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!  Let me repeat that because that is a very strong statement…..if someone hides you, your relationship, or their feelings from the world then THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!  There isn’t enough excuses to treat you with rudeness or to deny a relationship.  Remember that people can only treat you as badly as you let them treat you.  So the minute you let someone dismiss you, your relationship, or the emotions involved if it occurs between you two then you are setting a bad precedent.  You deserve better!!! 

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

And Thank God for not blinking!!!   And change does happen fast but it usually happens for a reason.  What that reason is you have to decide.  But try not to always see change as negative.  Oftentimes change is for the good, for the better, to shake up your complacency.  Don’t be afraid of change….be afraid of never changing!

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Deep breath is the simplest tool we have at our disposal for making our life better in the shortest amount of time.  We humans are a society of fast-paced shallow breathers.  Usually stressed and worried and not taking time to stop…smell the roses…and breathe deep breaths of their essence in.  Stop right now as you are reading or hearing this…..right now take three deep breaths that fill up your lungs.  Fill em up with air and goodness expanding to the furthest corners of the lungs.  Then let out all the stress, worry, frustration, anger, hurt, etc with each breath.  Now feel your body….does it feel lighter?  Do your shoulders feel less tight?  Do you feel a bit light headed and are you smiling?  This is what breathing can do so please if you do nothing else….start taking deep breaths!  Often!!!

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

Okay we can all agree that life can be very short…right?  So if that is the case, why would you want to spend one minute without the wonderful, beautiful, and joyful in your life.   A good friend of me has a wonderful statement.  He says, “That which does not champion you does not get to be in your life.”  Think about that a champion is one that rescues, relieves, and comes to your aid in any way.  So those people, experiences, job, places that you live, etc that do not fill you with joy or bring joy and lightness in your life…..extricate them and replace them with those things that do!  Easy…not always….necessary….absolutely!

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

Again…an oldy but a goody!  And absolutely true.  We humans like to learn the hard way that sometimes the way we walk down is to a point that we might not get back up again.  But being human means we are resilient…we usually get up.  When we do we are stronger than when we got knocked back down because we have just learned something.  And something you learn hard….you never forget.  So as bad as it is….you will make it through….perhaps using the above wisdom of one step at a time.  Whatever the case, once you make it through you will be stronger and probably uttering, “If I can get through that then I can do anything!”

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

Some of us had bad childhoods, some of us had good childhoods.  Whatever the case that time is gone…it’s done…you are grown up.   However, living today can be a happy childhood…one that you create.  Perhaps you finger paint at home alone or with friends or family…why?  Because it feels good and you tap into your inner desire.  Maybe you eat ice cream for dinner.  Why?  Because you can and because it tastes sooo good!  The wisdom here is live childlike with awe and wonder and lots and lots of laughter.  Be free of the anger, frustration, and irritation that can come from the world of adults and dip into the pool of your childhood now in this age!  Never let adulthood squash your childish wonder and joy!  EVER!

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

That’s right.  No is easy for people to tell you.  No makes them not have to chase their dreams.  No means everything stays status quo.  No let’s you off the hook.  But if you love something don’t you want to spend your life doing that?  So what are you waiting for?  Permission?  Give yourself the permission to choose doing what you love and remember another wide adage “Do what you love and the money will come.”  Someone made that up because it’s true….not go test it out!

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

We only have today.  Right now…this moment.  And it’s your life right and we’ve determined it’s kinda short…so why would you scrimp on you?  Pamper yourself with the good stuff.  Don’t you deserve it?  And do it today because you know you have today….it’s a present…give to yourself!

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

Do your due diligence.  Make the effort to set yourself up and get things going.  Do what you can to put things in motion and then “LET GO.”  Let faith, hope, and trust make some magic in your life.  Trust your spirit to direct you and motivate you to make things happen.  Pay attention to inner stirrings asking you to make changes, switch directions and move forward.  Do surrender with action!

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

Heck being eccentric allows you so much leeway.  We admire people who are eccentric, don’t we?  We may not admit it but someone who is free to be themselves with no constraints is someone who we wish we could be too….secretly!  So be that someone all the time.  I am telling you a truth here….no one is looking at you because they are too busy worrying about themselves.  So break out of the box.  Wear a purple tie.  Dress in plaid.  Be free to let the person you are out so they can play….and maybe meet someone just like them!

24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

And no one ever should be in charge of your happiness.  If you let someone be in charge of your happiness, then I can tell you that you won’t be happy.  Because your emotions are yours to feel and express and expecting or wanting someone else to determine what you feel inside is an impossible task, therefore not only will you be hurt and frustrated at their inability to make you happy but they will feel as failures for not being able to accomplish what you want them too no matter how hard they try.  You are the one that knows what makes you happy….so you go and do the work and make happiness your job.  I guarantee that when you do that those around you will then feel happy because happiness spill over onto others…..so share the happiness wealth.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ”In five years, will this matter?”.

Or in 5 months….or 5 days…or 5 minutes…..will this matter?  I think often times not.  What we deem disasters now might be pathways to opening up our world, introducing us to our future mates, creating amazing experiences, or breaking us free from restraints.  Because of the above wisdom of “that which does not kills you makes you stronger” you know that any “disaster” is a way to grow and learn.  In fact, look back in your life to times where you believe or believed a disaster occurred.  Where are you now from then?   Did you grow?  Did you learn?  Are you a better person for it?  So understand that when large shake ups happen in our lives they happen to create vast change, change your path, or make you pay attention to something you’ve been ignoring!

26. Always choose life.

Cause what’s the alternative?

27. Forgive everyone everything.

This is a big one, and I will admit, not always an easy one.  But let me tell you that forgiveness is not for the other person….it is for you.  To forgive someone is huge.  No matter the depth of the hurt if you leave tha anger, resentment, or pain sitting there it will fester and warp and grow and consume until you become a very bitter, angry, hurt individual and we’ve all met those people and they are not pleasant to be around.  So, I ask you to forgive everyone…even those that seem unforgivable.  Why?  Because to forgive is to allow the concept that everyone makes mistakes and that you understand that it could have been you making that mistake and wouldn’t you want forgiveness from someone too?  Step outside the emotions and see the outcome.  To hold on to the emotions that you have to need forgiveness is exhausting and debilitating.  So to forgive is to allow release of all that you were holding onto.  Doesn’t mean you have to become their best friend…..but you have unhooked the chains that were holding you down.  You are free to move without restraint.  And that is why they say forgiveness is divine.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

And shouldn’t be taken personally because what people think of others often time is THEIR issue about themselves. That means that looking at you and judging you is coming from their own hurts and insecurities.  Those things you have no control over and shouldn’t be defined by, so don’t worry what others think about you and certainly don’t base your life on anything someone says or thinks about you.  How limiting that would be.  Instead say okay, thanks for the input, and ask yourself what you think, then move on. 

29. Time heals almost everything.. Give time, time.

Time = patience.  Patience = a horrible word that we all need to learn a lot about.  First off understand that the world does not flow in the linear time field that we live in.  We have hours, minutes, days, etc to measure the time but then what we want is to shove  our wants, desires, needs, etc into those hours, minutes, and seconds and would REALLY like to create and control our world to fall within certain time parameters that we create.  But here’s the kicker….that rarely happens.  Why?  Because time flows and things occur when they are supposed to and not when we demand them to.  So time is our healer, growth expert, and lesson planner.  Anything we feel or want can have a decision or an outcome if we allow for the time to flow and no better.  Problem is…we think we know better.  So next time you get hurt just put that pain in the place for healing and let time work its magic.  You’ll be surprised how it works out just perfectly that way. 

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Quickly and without notice.  Another reason to be in the moment and enjoy it!  But know that things change in a blink of an eye and from one moment of good you can be in the bottom of the bad.  If you are there….be there.  But know that as fast as it became one thing….it can become another.  Change happens no matter what….let it be.

31. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Life is too short to be taking everything so seriously.  Laugh more.  And once in a while listen to what your say. You might be astounded to hear how seriously you take your self and your words.  When you hear that….giggle.  That will change everything I assure you.  But remember that life is to be lived with love, happiness and joy….seriousness really takes a bite out of that. 

32. Believe in miracles.

Cause they happen all the time.  Big ones like a bullet just missing a heart.   To small ones like finding the number of the person you met who made your heart go pitty patter.  Remember how many miracles we witness every moment of every day.  You’re breathing. You can see.  You can sleep in a bed tonight.  You can laugh.  You understand your thoughts.  You can hear.  There is music.  You can walk.  Your children are healthy.  Etc….do you see where I am going with this.  Your blessings are miracles!  Don’t forget to say thank you!

33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

Yay, we’re pretty lucky in this regard.  It’s not about what we do or don’t do that allows God to love and protect us….God just does no matter what.  You can’t be nicer and have God love you more.  You can’t be mean and have hurt someone and have God love you less.  You just be and God loves! 

34. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

Again let’s go back to life is short.  So make the most of it.  I guarantee that there is not a lot of people on their death bed who say, “I wish I had worked longer hours at my job.”  Or anyone saying, “I wish I hadn’t traveled all those places in my lifetime.”  Life should be fun, exciting, amazing, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, a roller coaster and you should come across the finish line of life with scrapes, bruises, and a huge smile on your face.  What are you waiting for….life is now….go live it!

35. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

So honor that growth.  Pay respect to the you that has earned the badge of wisdom.  In this country there is such a struggle against aging…why?  When you are older things get less crazy….you can let go and be.  So wrap your arms around your age and love it !  Because I know most people would never want to be 20 again! 

36. Your children get only one childhood.

So remember they are children…they aren’t little clones of you or a second chance to have your dreams realized.  They are here for their own life and own dreams.  Be loving, support them, and teach them from what you have learned.  But also remember how wonderful it felt to stay out till dark during the summer, to walk barefoot all summer long, to sleep out in a tent, to have your first heartbreak, etc.  Remember what it felt to be a child, what was important to you, and give that gift to your kids.  They won’t remember when they are older that the house had the cleanest floor, but they will remember the time you had a marshmallow fight.  They won’t remember that laundry was always done on Sunday and the toilets were spotless.  They will remember the day you let them stay in their jammies all day and have pancakes for dinner…..get the point.  Be childlike and give your child the gifts that you know they will treasure….time with you!

37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

With your whole heart and without conditions.  Love is the thing!  It is what we all strive for!  Think about what is the best compliment someone can give about someone who has passed on?  “They were loved!”  Remember to be loved you must give love.  So give it freely and without limitations and conditions (but smartly too)  Take chances on love even if you’ve been hurt.  Believe that love is stong and powerful and let it lead your life…..you won’t be disappointed!

38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

So true…the world is a miracle.  And if you are having a bad day a walk will change everything.  More than that….when you step outside of your world then you allow for other things to flow through it.  By walking, going new places, taking chances you increase your opportunity for miracles to find you!

39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

This is back to the “grass is greener” philosophy.  We never know what is going on in other’s lives.  Pain and hurt are secretive and because of our worry of judgement and condemnation we like it that way.  So while you may think that you have it bad….there is always someone else that has it worse.  Don’t ever lose the gift of compassion and empathy because there are many that need it and you may not know who they are.  That is why being a person of love to others every day is so important.  It may be that your smile is the only good thing that happens to someone during your day.  We don’t always know things….believe that there is suffering where we would never expect it. 

40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Any emotion where you wishing for something or someone somebody else has is unnecessary.  While you may not have all that you wish for what you have right now is extraordinary.  Go back to the basics of blessings.  That puts everything in perspective.  Then remember that if you want something similar to someone else then you have to do the work to get it.  But simply sitting around being irritated that someone got something you didn’t is a worthless waste of time and energy….not even going where the negativity of that situation will get you.  If it’s something you can obtain, then find that person and ask them how they got it and if they could teach you.  Or figure a way to get it.  But envy is never a motivating tool….and it’s fruitless. 

41. The best is yet to come.

And you never know what it will be.  Always put your intentions out into the Universe in whatever manner you want…writing them down and burying in them in the backyard, using a journal, visualization and meditation, whatever method works for you…put is out there!  Let God know what you want….then let go and let it flow!  Boy, won’t you be surprised by the outcome!

42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Have the battle is getting there….so use every day and every minute to be involved in your life now!  Don’t slack off and be in a waiting game.  Make things happen now, even if you are frustrated or worried, make the moves and feel the energy shift around you.   You got this moment….if it was your last what would you want it to contain?  I know you would want your hair combed at least, right?

43. Yield.

The best decision makers in the world know this secret….wait for a moment before talking, reacting, etc.  And many of the greatest leaders don’t push out in front of others….they wait and walk slowly and lead by example.  Think before you talk. Listen more than you speak.  Yield to see where you are going and is it safe?  Yeild…..a simply pause can make such a difference.

44. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

That’s why it’s called “the present.”  So what is your gift?  How is it wrapped?  What’s in the box?  This is the adventure of being human…your life is a gift and you don’t always know what you’re getting but still no matter what you will be happy to write the thank you note!

4 bags full! (cleaning the closet…part 2) September 23, 2009

Well…I did it.  I have spent the whole day today going through my closet and extracting that which I did not need, did not fit into, or had been holding onto in case someday they wanted to create a museum to me.  It was hard sometimes to try on things that used to fit you great and find that they didn’t fit you at all…sometimes I couldn’t zip ‘em up.  Woo…that’s a blow as any of us women can attest to.  However, what I did today was show no mercy to things hanging there.  I didn’t hold onto some tight fitting garments thinking, “Well I’ll lose weight and fit back into them”.  No, I took a deep breath and threw anything that did not fit me right at this moment into the bag! 

It was scary.  It was exhausting.  It was depressing.  And it was freeing. 

When I finished there were spaces in between the clothes.  Spots to put new shoes.  Drawers that were empty.  There was room to move.  I could see the floor.  I stood back and breathed deeply!  Very deeply!

I know it is hard to let go of things, especially things from our past.  It feels safe to hold onto things that connect us to the someone we remember, even if we aren’t that person anymore.  And yes, I’ll be honest and say that it made me sad and angry that I wasn’t as small as I was years ago.  I heard myself talking down to myself, calling myself names, and even having tears come to my eyes.  But I pushed through.  And when I was done I felt lighter in spirit.  Even more I decided that I was gonna let go of my perception of myself as I used to be and embrace the beauty that was me..RIGHT NOW!  Not five pounds from now, not as I used to be, but as I am right this minute. 

It’s funny how we tend to get stuck with things.  How we seem to anchor ourselves down with stuff to hold our spirit in a place it more than likely doesn’t want to be.  We allow junk to pile up around us and not realize or face that all that junk is really just a metaphor for the junk in our spirit.  Our lives and the way we live reflect the way we feel about ourselves and how we achieve our dreams. 

So today I cleaned out my closet of old clothes, emotions, and my past. I freed my world up to allow new and exciting things to come to into my life.  I opened up my heart to loving myself therefore letting others love  me too.  I am worthy of new and well fitting clothes as well as worthy to obtaining my dreams and allowing new love to come into my life.  I changed the world…my world today.

What are you waiting for….how many bags are in your closet?   Why not change your world one outdated sweater at a time!

Cleaning out the closets! September 22, 2009

Today I woke up thinking about all the stuff in my closet.  I was thinking of big bags filled with unneeded shirts, pants, and even some shoes I may be able to part with.  I was pushed to enter my closet and see how much stuff I had.  I guess I should tell you that I have a double walk in closet that is filled with clothes, purses, belts, and shoes….lots and lots of shoes!  Why do I have a huge closet filled with all this stuff?   Do I need it all?  Of course not, in fact most of it was energy hanging off hangers.  What do I mean by that?

When I got divorced several years ago one of the first things I did was clean out my closet of my ex’s stuff.  I pulled it off hangars and shoved it into bags and told him to come and pick it up. I no longer wanted a reminder of our relationship folded and hung where I had to see it everyday.  So I ended up with a huge walk in closet half full.  Well, that could never be.  That is when I unconsciously started filling the closet with things.  What I didn’t understand and makes apparent sense to me now is that all the stuff I filled it with….the clothing items…were also emotional items.  And those emotions are still hanging in my closet today.  Some things I have gotten rid of along the way…but a lot of items and emotions are still hanging in there. 

This morning I woke up and thought, I don’t use half that stuff so why am I holding onto it?  What does it do for me?  If I don’t wear it but it hangs in my closest then what is it there for?  It’s extraneous.  It’s unneeded.  But you know, until you are ready you aren’t gonna make the move.  Today I am ready. 

See our closets are more than just storage places for our clothes.  They are great analogies for our lives as well.  Look at your closet…..no, really look….does your closet resemble your life?  Is it perfectly organized by color with everything in it’s perfect place?  Is your life that way too?  Is it all jumbled up together with things lying on the floor?  Is your life like that too?

Well, my closet is absolutely a rendition of my life.  I used shopping to assuage any unhappiness in my life and so I have made some unfortunate choices in my life.  And even more, I have things that are from the past still dangling from padded hangers holding up all that time in my face and making me stay rooted in those emotions and places.  You see my closet is a jumble of things I can’t let go of and things I want to be.  I have a lot of beautiful items that I wear all the time….and I have a lot of stuff that I  have either grown out of or dislike that is still hanging there taking up not only space but energy too.  If you think your clothes aren’t energetic then think about how you feel when you put on something that you know makes you look terrific.  So, just like everything else in your life, clothes have an energy and that energy affects your life.

We all can find other things to do than clean out closets and drawers in our homes.  But everyone has heard of Feng Shui and the how the energy of our living environments affect the energy that flows in our life.  That is absolutely true.  And to take that further our homes are the reflection of what we face in our lives.  Is your house immaculate if someone were to walk in but are you closets and storage areas a mass of junk?  Are your counters laden with stuff and does it bug you but you don’t do anything about it?  Seeing the connection?

Don’t feel bad, we all do this.  Most of us don’t even know we are doing it.  However, I have seen over the last year how my inner spirit is ready to start shifting things in my life.  That is why this morning I woke up to the idea of cleaning out my closet and getting rid of stuff that no longer suits me or my life.  Today it is time for my shift in energy and I am ready!  I know that now I am in the place of making changes and adapting to those open spaces that are now able to move and create new things in my life….who knows maybe by creating space in my closet that someone else may enter my life to fill that space….anything is possible.

So I leave you with this…when you feel compelled to make changes in your life, even if it is just making space in your closets and drawers, trust that push and don’t put it off.  I guarantee that what you get rid of will soon bring new and exciting energy into your life.  Not only that but a heaviness lifts from you even if you didn’t know it was even there.

Make some space or let go of the rigidity….allow for new things and wonderful new opportunities to make themselves known to you.  Follow your heart and listen to it’s guidance….it is NEVER wrong.  Now I got my plastic bags in hand and I’m ready to start the process.   Want to join me?

Tick tock….tick…tock….time is moving…. September 8, 2009

In this last year I have been struggling with the movement of the clock.  Sometimes it moves very slowly.  Sometimes it moves so fast that a week feels like a day.  And sometimes it seems to not move at all.  Time has such an impact on our lives, doesn’t it? 

We all have pda’s, iPhones, or Blackberrys to make sure that we are perfectly doling out our 24 hours in a day.  We set appointments back to back so that we ensure that we will be running all day long. We try to stuff more things into a day than anyone could really accomplish and then we beat ourselves up at the end of the day when we haven’t done everything we set out to do.  Essentially we have made sure that we won’t succeed when by creating a “to do” list that would take three people “to do” in a day.   Why do we do this?  What is our need to make lists that are at least twenty items long?  Why do we allow time to dictate our lives instead of us dictating the time in our lives.

I often think about time and how if we aren’t worried about how much of it we do or don’t have then we are regretting what we did with it in past or wishing that we had made better use of it.  Then we seem to spend the rest of the time waiting for things to get better.  Time…tick…tock….it speeds up and we move into hyperdrive.  Tick tock…it slows down and we whine about why nothing is happening.  Tick…tock….we worry that we won’t have enough of it.  Tick….tock….we wish that we could be through it and retired. 

I think the only real way to handle time in your life is to make friends with it.  To acknowledge that time is huge in our society because we need pressure to help us move.  With time “crunches” we push ourselves to move forward in careers we might not like or to get projects done we really wish we didn’t have to do.  With “procrastination” we have some power over time showing that we decide when we do something….no one rules us.  But it’s elusive power since eventually what you have been procrastinating about you will actually have to accomplish.

So tick….tock….how do we make friends with time?  I’ll tell you, it’s fairly easy in thought but maybe a lot harder in theory.  The way we make friends with time is to stop looking at the future….but stay in the moment.  Be in the time right now.  Be in this second, minute, or hour.  Doesn’t mean we can’t know that there is a future, we just don’t have to be obsessed with it.  We don’t have to be craning our necks to the farthest hour when we could just stand happily in the hour we already have at our disposal. 

Once you do that it changes the perspective of not only your day but your ability to do what you need to do.  Instead of creating a list that will effectively drown you in its weight, you can say “What can I do right this minute?”  Then do that….right this minute.  Once you have finished that you can ask again, “What can I do right this minute?”  And so on and so forth until you find that by being in the minute you actually accomplish far more than struggling under a time frame and a list ten miles long.  Set small goals that can be accomplished right this minute and then find that by adding up all the minutes in your day you have done what you needed to do. 

And don’t forget to put on those lists…..Smile!  Look up at the sky!  Eat an ice cream cone!  Laugh!  Meet a friend for coffee!  These are important items to your life list and you need to make those priorities since these items are what life is REALLY about!

How is the New Year going??? January 12, 2009

It’s halfway through January and I am wondering how everyone is doing with those resolutions. I know today at the gym every machine was filled and the stream of people kept flowing the whole time I was there. It’s not certain if that New Years played into the equation but I would suspect so. New Years resolutions add on the pressure. The idea that what you whispered or yelled out (whatever your inebriation level was) on the striking of midnight this 2009 year was to create a change in you….that is a powerful utterance indeed.

However, we think about our resolutions. We even project resolutions. You know we all say, “When January rolls around I am going to start over.” And that allowance let’s us let things slide in our lives. That is a lot of power!

Are resolutions good or bad? I think that they have their purpose and like kindergarten are good fundamentals to getting started in the change in our lives. But instead of being a building block they become this huge weight that we tie around our necks and feel like a failure if we don’t complete them. Like New Year’s Eve itself that is given huge weight to be the “best night of the year” these resolutions we make are filled with portent.

I think that instead of creating a placard of what we actually think we haven’t been doing we should throughout the year give ourselves mini resolutions that are obtainable and achievable. These mini resolutions will allow us to see progress in our life without the humiliation of not accomplishing one huge resolution.

So my idea is to let the spirit of New Years exist throughout the year with mini New Years celebrations and resolutions that slowly move you to the place farther and farther up your evolutionary growth pattern. As you grow your mini resolutions will grow and your life will expand.

It’s beginning to feel like Spring! February 26, 2008

The rain has been drizzling all weekend and today when it cleared up I started out to see the outcome of all that precipitation. The hills where I live are green as can be with little yellow mustard seeds starting to pop up. The sky is brilliant blue with big puffy clouds moving quickly across the expanse. In all, a beautiful pre-Spring day.

It seems that Winter was extraordinarily cold this year. Not just in regards to the heating bill. Last year was a tough slogging through of stuff we needed to deal with. Relationships fell to the wayside. Jobs changed. Things just seemed to be hard to handle on many levels. We had to deal with the hardest issues that we could deal with. We had to look in our mirrors and see that we weren’t the fairest in the land. It was a tough time, with illness, lack, and hardships leading the way.

But today as I walked in the brilliant sunshine floating from the clouds I thought that this year…2008 was going to be different. It feels as if I, and many others, have shed 2007 like a snake sheds it skin. Left dry, brittle and crackling on the floor 2007 was a year for struggle that lead to amazing insights into who we are. Now with the new year upon us it feels as if everything is about to burst forth just like the flowers on the hills.

I’m ready for that!!! I am ready for my bliss to be my livelihood. I’m ready to see those around me who have struggled be rewarded with following their dreams. And I am ready to set out into the world as a new creature without some baggage that needed to be stored at the bus depot and the key lost. I believe that the whole world is ready for what the earth is ready to manifest. It’s time to change that which we have allowed to be stuck on us. It is time to become that which we had believed not possible. It’s time to take chances.  It is time to burst through like a flower that’s been slumbering through Winter. It’s time….

So what are you waiting for? Get ready to shine, support, grow, begin, love, laugh, travel, bask in the sun, bask in adoration, fall in love, begin again, find your bliss, grow your life, be the truth and power of happiness, formulate a path worth taking, and get off that treadmill of sameness that you’ve been walking on all your life. Create your visions for your life and make them real….it’s time now! It’s Spring now!

Lorena

08-08-08 January 17, 2008

That is my birthday this year!  Pretty spectacular, huh?  All those 8’s mean ties to infinity.  Truthfully, I am just glad to be out of ‘07!  For some reason last year seemed to be the year of falling down, scraping knees, and lots of Bactine.  But ‘08 seems to be great!  Why?  It seems that when a year has been a struggle that by the end of it you are just clawing your way to the finish line of New Years.  This New Years was different for me.

I decided to go out this year since my kids were spending the evening with their dad.  It was the first time in a few years that I the chance to go and party on that infamous party night.  I attended a roaring singles jam with some friends and all I could think about was that by 12:00 I wanted to be by myself!  I didn’t want to kiss a slobbery stranger.  I didn’t want to peck a friend’s cheek.  I wanted to stand outside under the brilliant and crisp sky and hug myself into this year of 2008.  And that’s just what I did.

At 12:00 I stood outside still decked out in my party attire and waited.  I knew I was a minute away but I didn’t need the huge ball from Time’s Square to notify me.  At 12:01 I felt it.  All of a sudden my feet felt like they hit the ground with a thud, even though they were squarely on the earth at the time.  At 12:01 I felt the air around me still and a rhythmic beating in my heart seem to steady.  At 12:01 I knew that this year, the year of 2008, was going to be my greatest year yet.  I knew in my heart even before I heard the cacophony of sound erupt from the neighboring houses, that this year had just settled in around me like a warm coat to create a time of stupendous abundance and my dreams that I had worked so hard to build to come to fruition.  At 12:01 on January 1st, 2008 I knew……..

Shaking my head…. December 13, 2007

Today was a day where it felt as if someone slapped me in the stomach so hard that I fell down. Ever have one of those days? It started innocently enough….I called my bank to check on a discrepancy and before you know it I was spending 2 hours in the local branch to rectify what looked like fraud. Wow, someone got into my checking account and took quite a bit of money, and then got out and no one knew what had happened, especially not my bank.

The idea that someone can access something that is supposed to be secure makes you very uneasy. From that feeling comes an avalanche of “what ifs” and “oh my god’s” which basically take you swirling down the pit of fear, insecurity, and worry. Trying to sink my nails into the side of the pit and not go there, I found that I had to put my fate into the hands of a stranger. Then I had to do the hardest thing of all, have faith that she would would what she said. And even more, I had do some hard facing of reality.

You see, recently I’ve been following my bliss and decided that writing and speaking was my calling. And it is too. I haven’t given up on what I know to be true. But what I realized as I was getting myself mightly worked up over the lost money and the idea behind the perpetrator, was that it was just money. In the big scheme of things it seems important this concept of money. I mean we worry about it, we obsesses over it, we never seem to have enough of it, we lose it, we control others with it…..and really it’s simply paper or metal. I know you’re saying….but you can’t survive without it. Really…..no, really? Can you survive? Yes, you can. Can you live the way we think we are supposed to without it? Probably not.

And in all that freaking out and hysteria about the violation and the loss I realized something……were my kids hurt? Was I hurt? Could I see, move, hear, think, get myself some coffee? Did those I love wake up and breathe this morning? Was there food in my refrigerator? Can I hug my kids and feel their love? Did I sleep in a bed with covers in a heated room? This is what I realized…..I was lucky!!

I had everything that really is important. I have love in my life. I have health. I have comfort. I have a lot. So I don’t have what I deem to be enough….right now. It’s here and moving in my vicinity. Time just isn’t right yet. But while I wait for that moment and even when it comes, I need to always remember that what is wealth isn’t in dollars and cents. What is wealth is love, peace, truth, care, smiles, tears, and the ability to write my stories here.

We have wealth in every moment and in every day. But we have to remember what the wealth is and not get sidetracked by what others or society says it is. If we all remembered that hugging our kids or loved ones is wealth, then it wouldn’t be so big a deal when our bank account doesn’t add up.

After some time in the bank and a wonderful woman who worked there helping me, I found out that the issue could be dealt with and that it wasn’t as traumatic as I had thought. So where I started this morning I moved far away from. And so now, I know I am never lacking because every day I can hug my kids and feel their loving arms wrap around me and tell me, “Mommy, I love you”. So see, I’m rich beyond measure!

Lorena

Are you sick of carols yet? December 9, 2007

It’s a brisk and chilly December morning and I was planning to take a walk, until I stepped outside.  While I know most of the world is knee deep in snow, I am a California girl and seeing frost on the grass does give me pause.  That being said I do enjoy this time of year.  The cuddly feeling you get of wanting a fire, some hot cocoa with marshmallows, and holiday songs wafting in the background.

 The problem is that the carols and the holiday spirit didn’t start on December 1st, it started sometime in November so honestly, I’m already a bit holiday’d out by now.  Sad isn’t it.  Do you remember what the holidays were like when you were a kid?  The anticipation and excitement.  The endless talking about what you wanted.  Looking at the catalogs or just thinking about what you would do with the item once it was wrapped up and put in your hand.  Those were glorious times. 

Now it seems like December flies by with the holidays being a mad dash of presents, wrapping, seeing everyone in the world, traveling with a bizillon other people, and finally waking up the day after the holiday going…..what just happened?  Good question, what happened to the holidays? 

What used to be about family, getting together and enjoying the bliss of sharing has become a spending free for all with most people in great angst about what they got someone.  I remember the first time I purchased a present for someone at a discount store.  It was an awesome present and I knew the person would love it, but I was worried that they might think less of the gift because I hadn’t paid full price for it.  Now, why should that factor into the equation?  It’s a wonderful gift that was just what they wanted, who cares how much I paid for it.  In fact, I should be bragging all over that I was able to find this stupendous gift at a discount.  But I felt guilty.  Guilty that I was in some way gipping the person because I hadn’t spent more for the gift.  I lost the persepective!  It wasn’t about how much it cost, it was about the thought that the person was really going to love it. 

I was noticing the other day how different the feeling is at stores during this time of year.  The lanquid walking and looking seems to go the way of the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving.  Instead there is a frantic flurry from people as they swing their heads back and forth trying to see the perfect gift for those on their lists.  Walking through the stores people are pushing a bit more, clearly more irritated, and what little patience they had on a regular day of shopping is GONE!!!  The sounds of the holidays really should be the deep and irritated sighs being made behind you as you pay for your holiday item.

So let’s get back to reality.  What are the holidays all about…..I know you see many of these articles at this time of year, but I am going to very real.  Think back to the idea of what holidays are about.  First and foremost it was about getting together with friends and family.  That means, if you don’t like your family…then go and see your friends.  Seeing people you love is what this holiday is about.  But like good human beings we have made sure to sling a whole lot of guilt around this holiday.  I mean, what if you’d rather spend your holidays in Hawaii having a pina colada and basking up the sun instead of trudging through the snow at Aunt Ethel’s house?  Then pack your bags for Hawaii and let Aunt Ethel know that you will be there to visit for 4th of July. 

See if you force yourself to celebrate something in a way that everyone else deems appropriate, then you aren’t really celebrating, are you?  It is okay to tell your family that you need to get away right now and you will be celebrating the holidays on Columbus Day!  Think about it really, your family doesn’t care when you visit as long as you visit. 

That being said, don’t forget that the true meaning of the holidays is giving.  Giving is not always a tangible item.  Perhaps giving is actually going to spend time with the relatives that love you without the begrudging feeling of “wish I wasn’t here” attached.  Remember, those people aren’t always going to be around.  Trust me, I know. 

Six years ago my Mom passed away.  It was hard watching someone as young as she was losing a battle with cancer.  And while I knew my life would be different, I didn’t know how much so.  The first thing I realized is that Christmas for me would never be the same.  My Mom had loved….let me repeat that….LOVED the holidays.  This was a time when she really just shined like a beacon in the holiday frenzy.  She would create the most festive home and even hot buttered rums were part of the set.  I loved it.  The tree was always gorgeous and many presents were under the tree impeccably wrapped.  Let’s face it I was a kid so the fact that many of the presents were for me was alright in my book. 

But my Mom didn’t stop there.  The cookies she made were amazing, melt in your mouth, delectable little pockets of bliss.  Dinner at her home was never just thrown together, she planned the menu for weeks.  Courses were included and always for dessert her Christmas Bread Pudding with Vanilla Sauce.  It was picture perfect and very real to me. 

When she died, the celebration just went right out of me.  That was tough too because I had two little kids of my own that were in the place I had been as a child.  I couldn’t let them down, but my heart just wasn’t in it.  After my divorce, I truly had to force myself to do anything relating to the holidays.  For me it was just a big ball of loss and lack.  I didn’t want to feel like that.  I wanted to be excited, enthralled, and whimsical about the holiday season.  But I just couldn’t muster it up. 

Last year was my turning point.  You see, I realized I had been living in the past in my relationship to the holidays.  I wanted what was gone.  I wanted my Mom!!  I wanted her to take care of everything and make it the blissful holiday of my youth.  I wanted the yearly shopping trips to occur again.  I wanted my Christmas of youth.  And so I realized as I was putting the ornaments on the tree last year that it wasn’t going to happen.  My Mom wasn’t going to magically appear and I wasn’t going to zap back in time.  This was what I had.  Me, my kids, my family and my friends.  It was time to grow up and stop pouting for what I lost and instead make the holidays mine. 

This year I bought a fake Christmas tree.  Yes, I thought my Mom was going to come and haunt me for blaspheming the art of Christmas, but I was tired of paying a king’s ransom to have the scent of pine in my house.  So I broke down and bought a flocked, fake Christmas tree.  You know what, the Holiday police did not show up at my door to haul me off to Scrooge jail.  In fact, the tree is gorgeous.  And better yet, I don’t have to freeze for the next few weeks to keep it alive. 

It’s about progression.  It’s about owning the holidays just like the rest of your life for yourself.  So, realize that it’s not about the gifts or the goodies.  Yes, they are fun and wonderful, but they should not be the focus.  Take the time to evaluate what it feels like to sit around your holiday table.  Do you feel warm and fuzzy from the food, love, and laughter?  Do you wish you could be anywhere else having toothpicks stuck under your fingernails?  Take stock.  Then remember, these people are not going to be around forever.  If that makes you sad, get your flight reservations.  If it makes you smile, then find a bathing suit and some sunscreen and do the holidays your way.

Whatever way you chose, chose for yourself.  Don’t let the “universal rule book” dictate your giving or getting in these times of celebration.  Instead, treasure what you had and keep it warm in your heart.  Or let go of what pains you and create a holiday that makes you happy instead.  Whatever the case, this is your time and how it flows is up to you. 

So when you think to yourself that you can’t hear another carol or wrap another present.  Stop, make yourself a hot buttered rum, and celebrate yourself and the life that you created!  Trust me there is no better present than giving yourself the present!

Blessings,

Lorena

Happy Day After Thanksgiving November 23, 2007

On the day after thanksgiving what do you do?  Do you run out with the masses of crazy people shopping the hyped up sales but actually spending more time in line than actually purchasing?  Do you simply sit at home waiting for the appropriate time to be able to eat the leftovers?  Or do you finish cleaning up the turkey decorations and start putting up the December holiday ones?

This day after Thanksgiving, I did none of those.  It didn’t help that I was battling a cold and was losing.  But I never do the shopping thing because I know that they same sales they are offering today will be there next week.  However, I do admire others that go out there and do battle to shop.  I know some families have that as a ritual and it truly is a testament to this great nation that the thing we do after giving thanks is go out and buy more stuff.  However, after a day of being with family and giving thanks you might need a little shopping therapy.  

It seems to me that the holidays are all just blending into themselves.  We used to have at least a month before we started seeing the decorations for the next holiday, but not any more.  It almost feels like Thanksgiving is going to get pushed out of being a holiday altogether with the hurry of the advertisers to get Christmas up on the boards.  I am sure most of us would agree that the commercialism of the holidays has become extreme.  I mean I am so sick of carols and holiday ads that I could throw up once December 24th actually rolls around.  It’s sad because I really used to love the Christmas holidays.  The smells, traditions, lights, cold weather, wrapping presents used to fire me up for the holiday and its accoutrement.  Now I find myself feeling a bit bah humbug, why is that?

It appears to me that getting older has something to do with that.  The magic of the holidays seems to dim as we grow older.  We recapture it a bit when we have children, but once they too start to age, the bliss of holidays seems to grow tired and just another thing we have to do.  So how do we recapture the joy that the holidays hold?  

This year we are going away for Christmas.  A change of scenery always seems to help with the tedium of the known.  We’re going to enjoy snow this holiday and I am looking forward to throwing some snowballs.  Living where snow is not the norm, I thought that having something new would be a great way to rekindle some spark of the holidays.  I picture snow blowing outdoors as we stomp in from making a snowman only to find hot cocoa and marshmallows waiting for me.  It sounds very picturesque, doesn’t it?  Will it end up like that?  Who knows, what I do know is that even if I am older and the magic of childhood doesn’t live on, the magic of happiness does.  Therefore, how do you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year?  By being happy.

Tall order you might say.  True, it isn’t always easy to be happy about where you are in your life.  It isn’t even easy to be happy about who is sharing your holidays with you.  But what you can do is find the moments.  When you look at a holiday in a lump sum then of course it seems daunting to make the whole time joyous and festive.  But if you look to just the small moments of feeling that snow crunch in your hand.  Or actually tasting the hot cocoa as it touches your lips, then you can find the joy of the holiday season.  As usual in our lives, we make the holidays like another chore we have to do.  You know a checklist of what we need to do.  Make extra money -check.  Get presents – check.  Wrap presents – check.  Make cookies – check.  Spend time with family – check.  Smile and be joyous – check.  See the Nutcracker for the 15th time – check.  

So this holiday season, starting with today the day after Thanksgiving, I am going to look for the small moments and not begin this holiday season with the big picture spoiling the joy.  It’s the day after Thanksgiving, that means you have a day to do what you want…so what will it be for you?  Because the idea of the holidays is love, joy, and giving.  That doesn’t mean just to others, but to yourself as well.  Make sure you put your own holiday needs on your shopping list and that you actually make that present to yourself.  It’s important for us to feel that joy comes to us in ways we gift ourselves, that way we are not let down if we only get an ugly sweater with Santa on it for a present this year.  We can smile and know that the gift that we gave ourselves made up for that. 

Gift yourself….and start today.  Because we all know that there is no time to give to you than the present!