I found myself whining today.
I was feeling sorry for myself about some recent decisions I felt I had to make…or should make. And these decisions weren’t easy and I was feeling the whole “why does it seem like good people don’t catch a break” running through my brain. It wasn’t just whining for me but for the whole of this society that is suffering through the hardships being dealt them.
I was universally whining, therefore, I felt it was justified.
But then someone who really loves me said, “Shut up, I don’t want to hear it.”
I was appalled. I mean, come on when you love someone you’re supposed to be supportive and listen to the griping and whining….also called “venting”. Right?
Well, the best thing that person did was tell me to stop. Once I stopped the giant pity party disco ball from spinning I started seeing things A LOT clearer. Even better I started to think about what I should be learning about the situation and that it has been my M.O. to have to truly experience things before I could learn them and then share them with all of you.
So whining….what does it accomplish? Nothing. I mean it does bring you to a place where you feel that something should be done or given to you. But what does it actually accomplish? Nothing. Truly nothing.
Why do it then? Because we are human beings and whining helps us to stay mired in the situation. It keeps us from moving forward. It unempowers us and if there are other whiners in the vicinity they will hear our party and join in. That means you have to be careful about whining or you could find yourself at a whining rave which plays that techno music that never seems to end.
Okay, I’ll let you whine for a bit. And a bit means like 20 minutes. Then like me I am sending you a written kick in the ass to say. “Whining isn’t going to change your situation, but you can. So what are you going to DO to make a change?“
I decided that I needed to use this lesson to bring it to people and show them that I get it. It sucks right now. Things are hard. Money is tight. Homes and jobs are being lost. People are losing everything. I get it. Now what?
Now we have to get busy doing things differently. We have to scale back every aspect of our life. It’s like a huge garage sale of things we never really needed but where trained to believe we had to have. Get rid of the fancy car. No one cares. Get rid of the big house or let to go. If you are holding on so tight to things that are taking you down….like a drowning person understand that letting go lets you live.
Realize that life as we knew it has changed. So change with it instead of stamping your foot and holding your breath wanting it to be like you want it. Trust me when I tell you, that doesn’t do anything except give you a sore foot.
Sit down and figure out other options. Look at other options. Realize that other options is where you life is headed. It’s headed there whether you like or not so you might as well direct its pattern.
Stop whining. Get your strength back in your bones and make a stand. Make one stand and then another and another and before you know it you will be stronger and ready to take on the hurdles that are in front of you.
But whining…..tell it to STOP!
Lorena Bathey, Fairy Godmother
A good post. I keep finding myself in relationships with people who are looking for a Fairy Godmother. They want someone to wave a magic wand & *poof*, all their problems disappear.
It’s not just girlfriends. My Mom was the same way, and most of my relatives on her side of the family. I try to help them express themselves so they don’t bottle up their feelings, but then I tell them that sooner or later they’ll have to deal with their problems. They’ll have to make choices and decisions and changes in their lives.
But for some reason, they don’t want to. They want everyone else to change. I’m supposed to buy them everything they want. I’m supposed to do everything for them, fill their heart with happiness and joy, and give up my whole life so that I can “make them happy”.
Then when it’s apparent to them that they’re still sad and miserable, it’s somehow my fault. I have somehow failed because they don’t feel any different. I’ve driven myself into the ground emotionally, physically, and financially, but they’re no better off than before.
I’ve finally reached the point where I simply say “Look, it’s your life and it’s what you make of it. You can take hold of your life and make it a good one, or you can go on feeling miserable.
“No one can control your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. You choose to think and feel and act miserable most of the time. And only you can do anything about it, only you can make your life better.”
“I’ve done all I can, but you’re still miserable. You have to decide that you are going to be happy whether you have reason to be or not. You have to realize that you have control over your own life, control over your thoughts and feelings, control over your emotions. Your life is in your hands and you have to choose what you’ll do with it.”
Good for you! It’s seeing the truth that allows us to make our lives the way WE want. It’s not selfish to want to be happy and to have people in our lives that want that too. Love is a harmony of giving and taking. But when we give too much we find that those people who love to take find us as if we had beacons on. So good for you being strong and telling others that they have to make their own happiness…its not up to you to make it for them!