Life as I know it….
While reading an email a friend of mine sent about a woman in her middle ages trying on a bathing suit, I found myself laughing hilariously and crying in sisterhood, I decided that I needed to start a new blog. I needed to write a blog about life…my life….as I know it and live it every day. Some of you will understand and will think that we were Siamese twins separated at birth. Some of you will think…poor woman. Others will laugh and say, “that will never happen to me”. Oh how the might have fallen.
Whatever the case I decided that being a good writer is writing about what you know. Well I know lots. I have learned lots. I am still learning lots. This is not a game of Life as I thought as a child. You know you get in your little plastic car and land on all the important spots like college, job, marriage, children, etc. What life really is…the game of Twister. Right foot yellow, left hand green, left foot red….and try not to fall down in between…that’s the real game we are all playing here.
What do I know? That whatever you think you know now there is always more that someone can teach you. Let’s take patience. I know I was the most impatient of people as I popped out of my mother’s womb. Immediately I was like, where’s the food? And then I cried, “Where’s my blanket, binky, bed, book….etc”. Being an only child I was lucky because I never had to fight anyone for the last piece of cake but I also didn’t have anyone to torment. I was given a lot I admit it. But I also had responsibility, roles, and the whole era of “children should be seen and not heard” drummed into my head. Unfortunately for my parents that last part never stuck. I mean, I was an only child and I had to talk to someone so I chose them and their friends, it was better than the walls in my room.
After managing the Candy Land version of my life in my youth I set out into the world with a diploma and not much else. No one had told me that the world was my oyster and I guess I wasn’t paying too close attention to the roadways of the Life game so I did things a bit ass backwards. I filled my card with college then I was lost without a map on a 40 lane interstate highway in my little plastic life car. Completely unequipped to handle the traffic zooming by I floated in the drift of others. I drove around a lot and hoped that someone would see my inexperience at driving my Life car and send in a tow truck, but that never happened.
Instead I found myself a guy that didn’t annoy me too much and seemed able to take care of me and set up a new game that looked sort of like Mousetrap. I built on a foundation of inexperience and feeling my way through things like marriage, trying to find a career, having and raising kids, and being perfect inside and out. Like the game of Mouse Trap it was a precarious lifestyle. Some parts I was really good at like being a mom. Some parts I was adequate at like putting up with a person that was my mate that I had not much in common with. Other things I simply felt my through hoping that the new plastic pieces of the Mouse Trap would hold everything together. Instead, like that game usually ends as well, everything fell down and I had to begin again.
Being a divorced mom of two was a new challenge. It also comprised a lot of new games into my life. Such as Mystery Date as I tried to find a man to date that wasn’t either emotionally closed off or mysteriously too attentive. I also had to begin at “Go” like Monopoly tying to find a career and stockpile enough money to take care of me, my kids, their college tuition, mortgages, and the many drinks it would take to get me through it all.
What I have ended up with is my own game. It doesn’t have a name right now but I am thinking the Real Game of Life might be a good one. I am working through abandonment issues by most of the men in my life. I am trying to balance two kids with their own plastic cars moving down the highway. I am looking to find a place where I can bring in money to support myself and also find a place of peace where I don’t have to drink a bottle of wine every night with a chaser of valium to go to sleep.
This game isn’t easy. In fact, there are days when I feel like I, as the woman in the dressing room trying on bathing suits felt, am walking around with a transparent suit on and everyone can see my pains. But you know what, it doesn’t matter if I am unable to get my right foot to green anymore cause it hurts my hamstrings, all that matters is that I am still playing the game. I may have fallen down a lot but I still can get back up. And as long as that is true I may just be able to maneuver my little plastic car up to the big mansion waiting at the end of the Life game and have a huge party with my girlfriends that jumped in the backseat of my car.
Life as I know it is hard sometimes and wonderful at others. Life as I know it is a game but it’s absolutely worth playing. Life as I know it is beautiful because every morning I open my eyes and anything and everything is possible. Life as I know it …..is!
