Today I received an email from the Fairy Godmother site that followed a theme. It seemed that today was a day where women around me were doubting themselves. I even went there myself….perhaps it was because I let myself look at all those trashy magazines this weekend. You know the ones that show all the stars and how they got skinny two weeks after they have their baby….I know, my fault.
We women are the hardest on ourselves than anyone EVER could be. We see our faults glaring out at us in mirrors, car windows, and any reflection we see. Why do we do that? How is it possible that we see only the surface and don’t see the amazing and incredible hearts, souls, minds, and feelings that we are made of? I know that this society is hard on the average woman, but not as hard as we are on ourselves.
After talking to my friend today and hearing her say to me that she was worried that a recent date hadn’t contacted her because of her weight I told her, “if he didn’t, then he is not the spectacular man for you.” And that is the absolute truth! Now we simply have to convince ourselves of that fact. How do we do that?
So I have a game plan and it’s simple. Let’s choose to love ourselves. I mean, if we love ourselves then chances are that we won’t let anyone talk bad about us…..even us. And even better, if we love ourselves we will only let the best possible people, and men, into our lives!
Below is my response to Carol who wrote to me today, I hope that she sees this and takes it to heart. I hope all of you that read it do the same!
Carol,
Oh my dear and wonderful woman,
Please do not feel that eHarmony has any real idea on how to find you a man. It is a tool and it seems to me that you are so sure of what you want that their vague criteria is not specific enough for you. I have done many of the on line sites and I will tell you completely and absolutely that while these sites are good ways for you to get out and get dating, they have a lot of flaws.
Saying that, I want you to know that you don’t have any flaws when it comes to what you want in a man. So I would suggest that you write down on paper what it is that you are looking for. Create lists such as: what he would be like personally, physically, emotionally, then what you want to be like in the relationship, what you want to be in your life, how the relationship should fit into YOUR world. These items will help you discern what is important. But remember that the biggest item on the list is you and what you want to exist in your world.
Then I would suggest that you find what you like to do!!! What makes you laugh? What makes you happy? What makes your heart race? Then go and do that! When you are out in the world making yourself happy then you will find someone that enjoys what you like.
See first comes the relationship with yourself….when that is healthy, whole, and happy then will come the relationship with your divine equivalent. It takes time for our Higher Power to know when the right time is for you to trip over him or for him to fall over you! That is worth waiting for. In the meantime, go have a ball! Travel, laugh, see movies, drink martini’s, laugh out loud, take risks, find bliss in every day….these are the stepping stones to loving yourself so much that you will only let the most amazing of men into your life!!!
I hope that helps! Log off eHarmony and sign up for a class. Then if you still want to get out into the dating world and are willing to be honest, fearless, and patient then get out into the world. That is where he is………go find him!
Lorena Bathey
Fairy Godmother!
I agree that we’re hardest on ourselves. It puzzles me that we tend to remember bad or embarrassing things that happened in the past but rarely remember happy events over bad ones. I’ve also noticed that women are hardest on other women as well. Sometimes I find women are harsher critics than men.
Anyway, good luck to Carol!