Shaking my head…. December 13, 2007

Today was a day where it felt as if someone slapped me in the stomach so hard that I fell down. Ever have one of those days? It started innocently enough….I called my bank to check on a discrepancy and before you know it I was spending 2 hours in the local branch to rectify what looked like fraud. Wow, someone got into my checking account and took quite a bit of money, and then got out and no one knew what had happened, especially not my bank.

The idea that someone can access something that is supposed to be secure makes you very uneasy. From that feeling comes an avalanche of “what ifs” and “oh my god’s” which basically take you swirling down the pit of fear, insecurity, and worry. Trying to sink my nails into the side of the pit and not go there, I found that I had to put my fate into the hands of a stranger. Then I had to do the hardest thing of all, have faith that she would would what she said. And even more, I had do some hard facing of reality.

You see, recently I’ve been following my bliss and decided that writing and speaking was my calling. And it is too. I haven’t given up on what I know to be true. But what I realized as I was getting myself mightly worked up over the lost money and the idea behind the perpetrator, was that it was just money. In the big scheme of things it seems important this concept of money. I mean we worry about it, we obsesses over it, we never seem to have enough of it, we lose it, we control others with it…..and really it’s simply paper or metal. I know you’re saying….but you can’t survive without it. Really…..no, really? Can you survive? Yes, you can. Can you live the way we think we are supposed to without it? Probably not.

And in all that freaking out and hysteria about the violation and the loss I realized something……were my kids hurt? Was I hurt? Could I see, move, hear, think, get myself some coffee? Did those I love wake up and breathe this morning? Was there food in my refrigerator? Can I hug my kids and feel their love? Did I sleep in a bed with covers in a heated room? This is what I realized…..I was lucky!!

I had everything that really is important. I have love in my life. I have health. I have comfort. I have a lot. So I don’t have what I deem to be enough….right now. It’s here and moving in my vicinity. Time just isn’t right yet. But while I wait for that moment and even when it comes, I need to always remember that what is wealth isn’t in dollars and cents. What is wealth is love, peace, truth, care, smiles, tears, and the ability to write my stories here.

We have wealth in every moment and in every day. But we have to remember what the wealth is and not get sidetracked by what others or society says it is. If we all remembered that hugging our kids or loved ones is wealth, then it wouldn’t be so big a deal when our bank account doesn’t add up.

After some time in the bank and a wonderful woman who worked there helping me, I found out that the issue could be dealt with and that it wasn’t as traumatic as I had thought. So where I started this morning I moved far away from. And so now, I know I am never lacking because every day I can hug my kids and feel their loving arms wrap around me and tell me, “Mommy, I love you”. So see, I’m rich beyond measure!

Lorena