Are you sick of carols yet? December 9, 2007

It’s a brisk and chilly December morning and I was planning to take a walk, until I stepped outside.  While I know most of the world is knee deep in snow, I am a California girl and seeing frost on the grass does give me pause.  That being said I do enjoy this time of year.  The cuddly feeling you get of wanting a fire, some hot cocoa with marshmallows, and holiday songs wafting in the background.

 The problem is that the carols and the holiday spirit didn’t start on December 1st, it started sometime in November so honestly, I’m already a bit holiday’d out by now.  Sad isn’t it.  Do you remember what the holidays were like when you were a kid?  The anticipation and excitement.  The endless talking about what you wanted.  Looking at the catalogs or just thinking about what you would do with the item once it was wrapped up and put in your hand.  Those were glorious times. 

Now it seems like December flies by with the holidays being a mad dash of presents, wrapping, seeing everyone in the world, traveling with a bizillon other people, and finally waking up the day after the holiday going…..what just happened?  Good question, what happened to the holidays? 

What used to be about family, getting together and enjoying the bliss of sharing has become a spending free for all with most people in great angst about what they got someone.  I remember the first time I purchased a present for someone at a discount store.  It was an awesome present and I knew the person would love it, but I was worried that they might think less of the gift because I hadn’t paid full price for it.  Now, why should that factor into the equation?  It’s a wonderful gift that was just what they wanted, who cares how much I paid for it.  In fact, I should be bragging all over that I was able to find this stupendous gift at a discount.  But I felt guilty.  Guilty that I was in some way gipping the person because I hadn’t spent more for the gift.  I lost the persepective!  It wasn’t about how much it cost, it was about the thought that the person was really going to love it. 

I was noticing the other day how different the feeling is at stores during this time of year.  The lanquid walking and looking seems to go the way of the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving.  Instead there is a frantic flurry from people as they swing their heads back and forth trying to see the perfect gift for those on their lists.  Walking through the stores people are pushing a bit more, clearly more irritated, and what little patience they had on a regular day of shopping is GONE!!!  The sounds of the holidays really should be the deep and irritated sighs being made behind you as you pay for your holiday item.

So let’s get back to reality.  What are the holidays all about…..I know you see many of these articles at this time of year, but I am going to very real.  Think back to the idea of what holidays are about.  First and foremost it was about getting together with friends and family.  That means, if you don’t like your family…then go and see your friends.  Seeing people you love is what this holiday is about.  But like good human beings we have made sure to sling a whole lot of guilt around this holiday.  I mean, what if you’d rather spend your holidays in Hawaii having a pina colada and basking up the sun instead of trudging through the snow at Aunt Ethel’s house?  Then pack your bags for Hawaii and let Aunt Ethel know that you will be there to visit for 4th of July. 

See if you force yourself to celebrate something in a way that everyone else deems appropriate, then you aren’t really celebrating, are you?  It is okay to tell your family that you need to get away right now and you will be celebrating the holidays on Columbus Day!  Think about it really, your family doesn’t care when you visit as long as you visit. 

That being said, don’t forget that the true meaning of the holidays is giving.  Giving is not always a tangible item.  Perhaps giving is actually going to spend time with the relatives that love you without the begrudging feeling of “wish I wasn’t here” attached.  Remember, those people aren’t always going to be around.  Trust me, I know. 

Six years ago my Mom passed away.  It was hard watching someone as young as she was losing a battle with cancer.  And while I knew my life would be different, I didn’t know how much so.  The first thing I realized is that Christmas for me would never be the same.  My Mom had loved….let me repeat that….LOVED the holidays.  This was a time when she really just shined like a beacon in the holiday frenzy.  She would create the most festive home and even hot buttered rums were part of the set.  I loved it.  The tree was always gorgeous and many presents were under the tree impeccably wrapped.  Let’s face it I was a kid so the fact that many of the presents were for me was alright in my book. 

But my Mom didn’t stop there.  The cookies she made were amazing, melt in your mouth, delectable little pockets of bliss.  Dinner at her home was never just thrown together, she planned the menu for weeks.  Courses were included and always for dessert her Christmas Bread Pudding with Vanilla Sauce.  It was picture perfect and very real to me. 

When she died, the celebration just went right out of me.  That was tough too because I had two little kids of my own that were in the place I had been as a child.  I couldn’t let them down, but my heart just wasn’t in it.  After my divorce, I truly had to force myself to do anything relating to the holidays.  For me it was just a big ball of loss and lack.  I didn’t want to feel like that.  I wanted to be excited, enthralled, and whimsical about the holiday season.  But I just couldn’t muster it up. 

Last year was my turning point.  You see, I realized I had been living in the past in my relationship to the holidays.  I wanted what was gone.  I wanted my Mom!!  I wanted her to take care of everything and make it the blissful holiday of my youth.  I wanted the yearly shopping trips to occur again.  I wanted my Christmas of youth.  And so I realized as I was putting the ornaments on the tree last year that it wasn’t going to happen.  My Mom wasn’t going to magically appear and I wasn’t going to zap back in time.  This was what I had.  Me, my kids, my family and my friends.  It was time to grow up and stop pouting for what I lost and instead make the holidays mine. 

This year I bought a fake Christmas tree.  Yes, I thought my Mom was going to come and haunt me for blaspheming the art of Christmas, but I was tired of paying a king’s ransom to have the scent of pine in my house.  So I broke down and bought a flocked, fake Christmas tree.  You know what, the Holiday police did not show up at my door to haul me off to Scrooge jail.  In fact, the tree is gorgeous.  And better yet, I don’t have to freeze for the next few weeks to keep it alive. 

It’s about progression.  It’s about owning the holidays just like the rest of your life for yourself.  So, realize that it’s not about the gifts or the goodies.  Yes, they are fun and wonderful, but they should not be the focus.  Take the time to evaluate what it feels like to sit around your holiday table.  Do you feel warm and fuzzy from the food, love, and laughter?  Do you wish you could be anywhere else having toothpicks stuck under your fingernails?  Take stock.  Then remember, these people are not going to be around forever.  If that makes you sad, get your flight reservations.  If it makes you smile, then find a bathing suit and some sunscreen and do the holidays your way.

Whatever way you chose, chose for yourself.  Don’t let the “universal rule book” dictate your giving or getting in these times of celebration.  Instead, treasure what you had and keep it warm in your heart.  Or let go of what pains you and create a holiday that makes you happy instead.  Whatever the case, this is your time and how it flows is up to you. 

So when you think to yourself that you can’t hear another carol or wrap another present.  Stop, make yourself a hot buttered rum, and celebrate yourself and the life that you created!  Trust me there is no better present than giving yourself the present!

Blessings,

Lorena